I can't watch my mom die and be alone in this world with my dad who I love dearly but who also my whole life drove me up the wall alone without a support system that trusts me to the core and my philosophy or knowing I can't get into phd plus rejections. The ticking time pressure to make my 70 yr old unhealthy parents calm and proud is crazy.... if I lose one I lose the other and I wasn't built up well enough.. too many bad habits. to much drugs during covid... to much of an immature will. I don't have enough to find a willto live if I constatly feel like a dispoaintment and cant sleep at night
I should've applied to schooIs in canada. after time in hthe hospital following the mental breakdown 3-days it changed my mind ... sleep deprivation from stress and helping support mom through surgery now leaves me with very strong negative inner monologue that even philosophy cannot keep down. Im losing my strength and power... I can't watch them suffer everyday because of me. Philosophy is the only thing that helps to keep it down. I overextended and wasn't always a good person even with philosophy. Without it I'm not a monster but close to one. i can't just apply again cuz low gpa and whatever. parents always spoiled the living shit outta me which is great but I never truly earned anything. I wanted to make them proud with a big acceptance. but this never came. I was naive.
I shouldn't have applied to phd in the first place maybe at least for the time being and it was the biggest mistake of my life though all I wanted was a solid smart philosophy minded friend group.. I would've applied here if I wasn't so arrogant. I really had to play my cards better.
To my family,I'm sorry... but it was so hard always..
sash, im so fucking sorry but you know better than anyone what it means to deal with mama and papa... I swam in it for too long that even with a gf would'nt have helped.. maybe but I wantedthe perfect one
nephews,, im so fucking sorry.
olya... I get it, kinda.
I have most to blame on myself, also.
To my friends... y'all rock but I should've been more open minded to being more open and not thinking that philosophy makes me so much smarter (book smart, not street smart)
To philosophers... take sokolv's psychophyisologiy of consciousness and combine it with Schopenhauer's metaphysics and foodr's epistemology to create a conceptual abstraction of mind rooted in the conceptual values of induction to improve cognitive architruce and possibly the education system though a search for consciousness neurons via quantum computation and reverse engineering. i'd do this myself but the former... understanding and awareness need balance.
schopenahuer isn't a pessmisit in wwr and posr
I absolve everyone from responsibility including ap, dr. ar, dr. hf
the assets I have all go to my older brother alexander zubin-paskaru inlcuding bandwell tfsa and half of whatever comes from daphnia.
ninja? bs. I always loved u
ywa, thx
jgl, thx
to .H don't let it turn yellow, whole life of prosperity only no matter what, pls.
to D. keep it in please
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