letter

I was never fully clean and good to the core.

I'm sorry, all of you. 

Without philosophy and a gf, all I am is ...

Always spoiled, never earned. 

Guilt is unbearable. 

I always loved and hated my parents and was a horrible teen.

I broke my promise but it wasn't normal, and I'm sorry.  

Key moments in life were filled with bad choices, all because of my although dearly loving father, 

After mom's surgery, I spent 3 days at the hospital after a mental psychotic episode being worried and sleep deprived for 2 weeks. 

I can't watch my mom die knowing that I applied as dumb as I did, and didn't get in and lost my job. I don't find anything else meaningful aside from philosophy. If I lose my mom, then my dad is gone also they've been married for 40 years. The ticking time pressure is unbearable to stand on my own two feet, in addition to decisions I've made that lead to this moment.

To family and friends, I'm so sorry. 

Takes a ninja to see it, eh :(